Oxygen Mask
By: Dr. Stephen Franson
“…and if you are traveling with small children, please be sure to firmly secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” All pre-flight instructions are important, but none are quite as profound as this one.
I was searching for the appropriate response to my friend Chanya’s admission of her most recent epiphany. “I simply cannot take good care of four children if I don’t first take good care of myself.” She seemed so relieved to actually say this out loud, but I could tell that she was looking for some type of validation.
It was five o’clock in the morning in San Diego. When my family visits, Chanya and I traditionally share this quiet time and space at the breakfast bar and plan the day over a hot French-press. She is awkwardly trying to justify finding time for a power walk today, fearing that her obvious abandonment of her family during that time may lead to a total collapse of the delicate familial infrastructure.
“Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others,” I tell her.
Chanya is not unlike my wife, Camilla, and every other busy mother who struggles to find the elusive balancing point between wife, mother and person. These moms are often left feeling like survivors of a shipwreck, sprawled on the beach gasping for air, thankful that they survived another day.
There are truths that are irrefutable. In life, we serve others best when we are whole. In this pursuit, taking time for yourself is non-negotiable. Time has become the new currency, and if you are not a good steward of it, you will squander it away on whatever needy bird chirps the loudest in the nest that you call your life.
The world has a way of pulling at us – at our time, our energy and our focus. Its favorite prey is the resources that you have left unaccounted for. Your time is an easy target; protect it. Plan for wholeness – schedule it.
The greatest derailer of good intentions is the time crunch. Slay this dragon – master your schedule. Get clear and honest about the things that make your life seem “whole” and schedule them: your workouts, time with friends, creative time – commit to them. Write them into your daytimer as if you were meeting someone important, someone special. You just might discover that you are.
Dr. Steve,
If I had known you when I was younger my whole life would have taken a different turn. I was a single parent for nine years working two jobs and going back to finish college. I never thought that I had the right to make time for myself and I always felt guilty that I wasn’t doing enough for my 9 yr old daughter.
You inspire me to take care of myself and to encourage others to do the same. People come up to me constantly asking how I went from barely functioning and in so much pain to looking so healthy. I start by explaining that you have to make choices. If you want to feel better you need a positive attitude and a commitment. You gave me the inspiration and encouragement to work with you to be the best person that I can be inside and out. I try to pass that on to
others now and encourage them to see what chiropractic and your wellness program can do for them. You are such a talented writer and have so much information to inspire others that I hope that these blogs are becoming a book. Not only have you given me my life back, I am a much happier person
with a whole new outlook on how to live my life. Thank you for that. Sincerely, Donna
Oh yeah, this one hit home, bringing a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. When I first had my children, I dutifully took on the whole strong mother stereotype, really believing I could do it all, until it became a deeply-ingrained habit, sometimes at great cost to my own well-being, even now. Holding it all together has become part of my identity and a great source of pride. Most often we women are our own worst enemies when it comes to caring for ourselves. Here are some of my hard-won survival strategies:
Ask for exactly what you need without anger.
Learn to lovingly say “no.” And stick to your guns.
Be flexible.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Did I say be flexible?
Laugh. A lot. There’s humor to be found in even the worst situations.
One of my teachers once gave me a wonderful analogy that goes right along with Dr. Steve’s oxygen mask: “Think of your family and all the people with needs who are vying for parts of you, as a string of paper dolls that you cut out with scissors. Then, mentally assign yourself as one of those paper dolls that deserve the same level of care you give all of the rest.” Yup. Easier said than done on most days, but truly worth making into a habit.
AMEN Brother!! Good to have you back this week.
Great article Doc!! The “me time” can be a daily struggle BUT like you state, make it a priority. Make time, make it happen and enjoy it. Life goes by way too fast and we are only passing through……Blessings bro.