You Don’t Get What You Expect, You Get What You Inspect: Part 1

I came around the corner to a familiar view.  Emma was standing up in her crib, straining to peer around the corner to see who would be the first to respond to her beckoning.  “Hi, Daddy.”

I noticed that she had pulled off her pants and diaper, and was standing there half-naked.  This is rarely a good sign.  I have had past experiences where Emma had pulled off her wet diaper and had unsuccessfully tried her hand at a free-throw into the trash basket across the room; or worse, expressed her creative self on the wall with the only color available on the palette inside her diaper – brown.  Today was different.  “Dry diaper!” was all she said.

At first I was relieved, even proud, but then noticed that she had actually removed her diaper and peed squarely in the middle of her crib.  The bed was soaked – straight through the costly new mattress we had just ordered from organicmattress.com.  I stood there experiencing the typical parental emotional continuum: surprise, confusion, then upset.  But seeing the look on Emma’s face de-railed the reaction train that would have led to anger.  She was just so clearly pleased with herself.  “Dry diaper, Daddy!” she repeated with her widest grin.

Too often we want one thing and reward another.  Whether we are raising kids, running an office, coaching Little League, or seeking optimal health, we know what we want - but recognize and reward something entirely different.

In the Army there is a saying that basically sums up the Management Equation:  “You don’t get what you expect, you get what you inspect.”  What do you want?  Now what do you celebrate?  What is your objective?  Now what do you track?  What do you treasure?  Now what do you measure? What are your goals?  Now what do you reward?

Emma was standing there, naked and proud.  For weeks she had been listening to the praise that her big brother Sam had been receiving lately for waking up in the morning with a “dry diaper.”   For Sam, this meant that he had successfully made it through the night without an “accident,” and that he was one night closer to his ultimate goal: becoming a Big Boy.

Be careful what you praise.  Be conscious of what you reward.  Be mindful of what you recognize.  With kids, at work, in life – you don’t get what you want – you get what you reward.

Now go recognize someone,

Dr. Stephen Franson